Kingdom Hearts 746Apricot Weekends
by ThinkingCAPSLOCK
Summary: Was the epic saga all just Sora's brain's interpretation of randomly firing neurons?


**Kingdom Hearts 746/Apricot Weekends**

Melted ice cream slid down the stick and pooled into a sticky mass of bluey-green on the railing below.

"Sora! Aren't you going to eat that?"

"Wuh…? Kairi…?" Sora muttered dumbly. "Wuh?"

"I know the food stand was selling sea salt snacks, but buying it _means you have to eat it_!" she scolded, pursing her lips poutily.

"Don't waste food," Riku said, smacking him lightly on the head with one of his oversized mutant fists. "You're making a mess."

"S-sorry." Sora stood, tossing the ruined ice cream into a conveniently placed garbage bin a few feet away.

"Man, what's with you?" Riku asked, running his fingers through his silky hair like the sexy, sexy manthing he was. "You've been spacey lately."

"N-nothing," Sora replied, eyes still glazed over like a freshly made donut. "I've just…I've been having weird dreams lately."

"Oh, god, seriously, no, man. Don't give us another long narration of one of those dreams, there's nothing more—" Riku began.

"Tell us, Sora!" Kairi interrupted. Riku glowered down at her, but she merely smiled back sweetly. "What was in your dream?"

"So this time, I was fighting this giant cackling Octopus hag. I had help, too, but like…they weren't really help so much as you know, _help_, like when your little cousin _helps_ you with your homework, but really just makes a mess and ruins your textbooks? I mean, for god's sakes, they were a fucking _mermaid _and _merctopus._ What the hell is a _merctopus?_ A duck that's part octopus? Why the hell would there be an _octopus duck?_ It just doesn't make sense." Sora shook his head, rubbing at his temples with his massive fingers.

Kairi reached out and touched one of his spindly t-rex arms. "Maybe it's your subconscious trying to tell you something."

"Yeah…like maybe _you should stop doing drugs before you sleep_," Riku snorted. "It was just a dream, Sora. What matters is the _here and now_. Not some fantasy your twisted brain came up with." He punched Sora broly on the torso adjacent appendage, nearly snapping it in twain.

"Maybe you're right," Sora replied, his gigantic doe-like eyes downcast. "But it worries me. It just…it feels so _real_. I could really hear those psychotic eels, man. They were hissing 'baseball' at me _over and over again._ Or maybe it was 'escape'. But I'm pretty sure it was 'baseball'. Also, they were attacking me."

Riku groaned. "Stop with the dreams! First it was the raft, then it was the pumpkins, then that trippy Alice in Wonderland one—that one was_ definitely_ the drugs. Or maybe you just like math too much. Or little girls."

"No!" Sora snapped. "It felt so real. _So real._"

"All dreams feel real, Sora."

"But this was _different_!" Sora protested. Riku just sighed and shook his head.

"Come on," said Kairi. "Let's go play in the water! If Sora's feeling down, we just need to cheer him up, right? So let's go OBLIGATORY BATHING SUIT SCENE!"

Riku chortled, defeated. "I guess you're right. I really could go for an OBLIGATORY BATHING SUIT SCENE. The weather is right for it."

"Yay!" said Sora. "Naked! I like naked!"

"So do I," said Riku douchedly. "So. Do. I."

"Herf derf herf de derf herf de derfing derf," said Sora herfderfishly.

"I agree! Let's go!" Kairi exclaimed very redheadedly.

The three proceed to participate in the OBLIGATORY BATHING SUIT SCENE. There is lots of bare skin and splashing.

"That was fun!" Kairi said, throwing herself back into the hot sand. "Holy shit, my back is on fire now. Why did I ever think this was a good idea?"

Riku and Sora follow suit. They, too, burn.

"I could really go from some ice cream," Sora said absently. Riku reached over and smacked him in the face with his hammy hand. "Ouch!"

"Waste not, want not, Sora," Kairi giggles.

"This reminds me of a dream I had," Sora said. "We wanted to explore other worlds, so we were going to build this raft—"

"You told us that one before," Riku said. "You've told us _all of them_. _All. Of. Them._"

"Don't listen to him, Sora," Kairi said. "I thought it was cute how you made me a princess in them."

"I like how you followed me for years so that we could be together _forever and ever_," Riku added. "Together. Just you and me. And maybe Kairi. But mostly the two of us. What was that you were saying about subconscious, Kairi?"

"Shut up, Bicepmaster," Sora said. "I totally forget about you sometimes, you know. Like when _every other character ever _comes in."

"But I'm always in the back of your mind. _Always_. I am the Sasuke to your Naruto," Riku replied, chuckling darkly with a hint of angst. Also, douche.

"I don't even know what that means," Kairi said bubbly in a cheerful way.

"You're more like Sakura," Riku said dickishly.

"I always thought she'd be more like TenTen," Sora countered.

"I don't even care," Riku replied.

"Hey, do you know what we should do, guys?" Kairi asked hopefully. "We should _go to school._ Like _normal_ students. And _study_."

Silence.

Raucous laughter.

"You sure are funny, Kairi," Sora said.

"I know, right? I crack myself up sometimes," Kairi said.

"Hey, you know what we should _actually_ do? We should all make out. Just…make out. A lot."

"Dude. Fuck yes," said Sora.

And then they did.


End file.
